Kakashi's Cravings
by Gaige's Peppy Sweetheart
Summary: Kakashi assigns Team 7 on strange missions in order to fulfill his odd desires. Has he completely gone over the edge of reality to assign them this? You will just have to read to find out!
1. The Mission

This is just a silly story, so, yeah. If you hate it, whatever; I am just doing this outta boredom and for a friend.

Team 7 and their sensei Kakashi were sitting in a field outside of the Academy when all the sudden, a low growl echoed across the empty field.

"Naruto, is that you..._again_?" said Sakura as she shook her head in disbelief.

"It isn't me, Sakura," snapped Naruto defensively, "you know I had cucumber salad and ramen for lunch!"

"It defintely wasn't me. Was it you, Sasuke?" questioned Sakura.

"My tummy didn't say anything, babe," he answered as he planted a kiss on the 17 and a half year old's head and ruffled her hair. She moaned lowly and French kissed him, exchanging ropes of saliva.

"So that leaves us with Kakashi then," deduced Naruto. "What's that noise?"

"Ahh, yes, it is noon, so I must be hungry," Kakashi said cooly. "This is also part of your mission today."

"You want lunch?" asked Sasuke like a pimp. "We aren't your caterers, you know."

"I know, but this mission requires you all to utilize your skills to their full potential," whispered Kakashi as he took out a cigarette. He miraculously was able to inhale the tobacco without lowering his face mask. "It involves going to a different location to attain what I ask from you. If you don't, I will have to fail you all."

"Uh...okay..." said Sakura a bit haltingly. "What exactly do we have to do? Get food from the Land of Wind? Water Country?"

"Yes...it will involve water," responded Kakashi with a slight cough, "so you better bring your Speedos, kids."

"I might as well pack that cute lil two piece bikini I got on sale at Neiman Marcus!" interjected Sakura as she rubbed Sasuke's neck.

"Hell yeah, I'd love to see your nice ass in a two piece," said Sasuke as he kissed her hand.

"What are you gonna wear, Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura. "I bet-"

"Focus!" roared Kakasahi as he let out a huge cough while smoking.

"So...you want us to go fishing or something?" asked Naruto.

"Not quite," spoke their sensei.

"Who fishes in a Speedo, you dumbass?!" yelled Sakura as she konked Naruto on the head.

"I hate guessing, will you just tell us already?" scoffed Sasuke as he gave Sakura an amazing back rub.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to know?" asked Kakashi with a bit of suspense in his voice.

"Yes!" shouted his three students.

"Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Just tell us, for shit's sake!" shouted Naruto.

"You must go to Bikini Bottom and get me a Krabby Patty, kelp fries, coral bits, and a shake."

Sakura and Sasuke sat there completely speechless, obviously aware that they must have been the victim of a cruel joke. Naruto, on the other hand, could not keep his mouth shut.

"WHAT KINDA JOKE IS THIS, HATAKE KAKASHI!?" shouted Naruto with a popping vein appearing on his forehead. "YOU MUST BE SMOKING A JOINT INSTEAD OF A CIGARETTE!" He snatched the tobacco product from his sensei and analyzed it.

"No, this is pure Marlboro, young Naruto," replied Kakashi as he took it back and grinded it against Naruto's triangular hair.

"As stupid as Uzumaki Naruto is, I must completely agree with him," said Sasuke. "It may have been the smartest thing he has said since I've teamed up with him, but you clearly are lost in la-la land for giving us such an unrealistic mission." He placed his face to Sakura and she began rubbing his head affectionately and kissed him again. Naruto rolled his eyes as all of the sudden Sakura started to suck on Sasuke's nose.

"Would you two stop sucking each other's faces and listen to me?" shouted Kakashi. "As it is deemed necessary to reiterate your mission, I need some food, and I'm so damn tired of the sashimi, teriyaki, sushi, noodles, daikon salad, and seaweed; I need a change of pace, something exotic."

Sasuke rolled his gorgeous emo eyes and sighed. "How do we get to Bikini Bottom?"

"Are you dumbass, Uchiha Sasuke?" questioned Kakashi. "You made the highest marks on the exam, but you don't know where Bikini Bottom is. It's in the name-'Bikini Bottom'. As in, the bottom of Bikini Atoll. You know where that is, don't you, Haruno Sakura?"

"Yes, it's an island in the Pacific Ocean where the U.S did extensive nuclear testing in the '40s and '50s," said Sakura.

"That's right," said Hatake Kakashi. "Now get your ass in the ocean and get me a Krabby Patty or I'll taddle on Tsunade!"

"I dare you to, Kafartshi!" laughed Naruto.


	2. Preparations Complete

"Did you just call me 'Kafartshi'?" asked Kakashi with a weird look behind his mask.

"Yeah, Kafartshi, because, we read about you on Twitter that said-" started Naruto.

"I don't care what you read on Twitter, Naruto," scoffed Hatake Kakashi. "If all of you care about passing, you are to do this assignment. Is that clear? Remember, I ordered a Krabby Patty, kelp fries, coral bits, and a shake. If you little turds don't get in the ocean, you're not only gonna fail, but you will have to go back to school!"

"You can't fail me; I made the highest marks on the test!" announced Sasuke as he pushed Sakura out of the way and stood next to Kakashi.

"I know, Uchiha Sasuke, so you better not mess up!" barked Kakashi.

"Okay, I know that it's at the bottom of Bikini Atoll, but exactly how do we get there?" asked Sakura reasonably. "It's not like we can hop on a plane to get there."

"I have a special Jutsu that will teleport the three of you there," responded Kakashi, "but you need to get special underwater breathing apparatus and your swimsuits. I will go get the breathing apparatus and you will go get your stuff. Be back here in 15 minutes."

All three of the shinobis groaned as they left the field and went to their homes. Sakura held Sasuke's hand and directed him towards her house. "Why are going over to your house, Sakura-chan?" asked Sasuke with an alluring tone. "Not that it bothers me."

"I want you to "help" me put on my cute little bikini," she giggled. "If you know what I mean."

"I know what you mean, Sakura-chan, you don't need to be so discrete," giggled Sasuke like a fruit cake. "You need me to give you my opinion privately so we don't piss off Naruto and Kakashi-sensei, correct?"

"You must have telepathy, Sasuke-kun~~" cooed Sakura as they entered the door to the empty house. Her house was huge; it must have been at least 3,800 square feet, but it still maintained the traditional Japanese style of pagoda and shoji. There were beautiful paintings everywhere and they eventually reached a door at the end of the hallway. Sakura slid it open and she entered, followed by Sasuke. His mouth dropped so low that it seemed that some of his jaw bones cracked in astonishment.

"This is my room, Sasuke," boasted Sakura as she kissed her boyfriend all over the face. She went over to a Henredon dresser and opened it to pull out a Dolce and Gabana bikini.

"Do you like this bikini, Sasuke?" asked Sakura as she showed it to him. "It was about $259, but it was on sale for $214. Lemme go take off my clothes behind that curtain." She walked towards a Japanese sliding curtain thing and took off her clothes, completely showing off her goods-in the silhouette, that is.

"Gosh..." muttered Sasuke slowly under his breath as he panted from watching that body of the 17 year old pink-haired girl. "So damn sexy!"

"You like what you see, lil Sasuke?" she giggled as she stepped out and showed her creamy biege body covered with a small black bikini with gold rings near the waist.

"YES!" he shouted.

"Come here, you," she said. He rushed over to her and he kissed her. "Okay, go put on your swimsuit and let's get through with this stupid mission so we can do more stuff with this bikini. I'll be waiting by Kakashi."

"Okay, I'll hurry to my house and get changed," replied Sasuke. He ran as fast as he could to his house and ran into his messy bedroom and put on a pair of black swim jammers that went down to his knees. He frowned as he looked as his small man boobs in the mirror. He needed to do exercise, but this wasn't the time to do that. He went back out into the field and met up with Kakashi and Sakura, but Naruto wasn't there. Typical for him to be late.

The three of them turned around and heard the heavy breathing of Uzumaki Naruto, and next to him stood...Hyuga Hinata! She was sporting a cute green bikini, but it wasn't as skimpy as Sakura's.

"Hi, Hinata!" screamed Sakura as she went up to the blue-haired girl and gave her a high five. Hinata giggled then twiddled her fingers as she awkwardly looked down to the ground.

"Hinata's coming with me!" announced Naruto to Kakashi. He planted a huge kiss on his girlfriend and she eagerly returned it and combed his yellow hair.

"Whatever, I don't care, as long as you get the damn Krabby Patties. I don't even care if you take Missy Elliot with you. Just get in the ocean."

Tsunade finally appeared next to Kakashi and her huge breasts slapped his elbow, causing him to flinch slightly. She slapped him across the head. "You pervert, don't touch my breasts!"

Naruto interjected by correcting the old lady. "Actually, granny Tsunade, you rammed them titties into Kakashi, so it's actually your fault."

"Oh, shut up, Naruto, who cares what _you _think?" snarled Tsunade. "And for the last time, quit calling me Granny; yes, I'm 54 years old, but I look a lot better than most 30 year olds!"

"Just hand us the breathing apparatus you made for us so we can get this stupid mission over with," huffed Sasuke.

"Oh, right, I totally forgot why I even came here," she trailed off. "I made four of these things because I thought Kakashi was going, but seeing that he isn't, you can have it, Hinata." The blue-haired girl took it and sniffed it like Kiba's dog would.

"Wait a minute, why do we need these things anyway?" asked Sakura. "We can do the Water Release Jutsu."

"The Water Release Jutsu is capable for only working about 10 minutes, and you may need to be underwater a lot longer than that!" said Kakashi. "Is everybody ready or not?"

"YES!" shouted the three shinobis, leaving Hinata speechless. Naruto kissed Hinata on the lips and Sasuke kissed Sakura on the forehead. Then Hinata hugged Sakura. Naruto tried to high-five Sasuke, which he bluntly ignored.

"Okay, here you go!" shouted Kakashi as he did a shit-load of hand signs and mumbled something in ancient Japanese. This continued for about ten more seconds until the four of them disappeared!


	3. The Pineapple

Salty water with a tint of fish taste engulfed their senses.

Their hair swooshed around wildy. Sasuke's, whose was styled with gel from JcPenny's, somehow stayed in place, except, of course, his ponytail. He attempted roaring underwater how badly his sexy hair would mess up.

"Wait, so where are we supposed to be?" inquired Hinata as she stared at Naruto's moobs.

Naruto looked around, noticing a ball of kelp resembling a tumbleweed rolling past them. He noticed a sign that read "Bikini bottom: 2 miles", and smiled.

"2 miles?" gasped Sakura. "But...the pressure would be too great on our bodies! We would collapse and die! We aren't sperm whales!"

"Yeah, but you can call my weenie a sperm whale, cus it's as long as a whale and has sperm," joked Sasuke as both he and she laughed and kissed each other.

"Guys," Naruto announced. "Kakashi has granted us with an ancient Jap-un-eeze power. No, it isn't dumpling making or chopstick power. It's the ability to hold our breath underwater." Naruto all of a sudden picked up some kelp and chewed on it, then shuddered. "Tastes like grandma Uzumaki's rotten screen beans," he choked, glancing at Hinata who was giving a clown fish the middle finger. "You stank, ho!" screamed the fish and let out a colorful toot before swimming away.

Hinata went over to the sign and looked at it. She noticed that the "2 miles" part of the sign was made of something different from the rest of the words. She rubbed it off with her elbow and saw that it was not 2 miles, but actually 238 feet.

"Okay, guys," Hinata said, blushing as she met the gaze of Naruto's buttcheek. "I think I see some malformed fish actually a few feet ahead. I think we're already here, you buttholes." She let out a little giggle before the rest of the group followed after her.

"That's clearly from the nuclear waste from the U.S military," said Sakura. "Let's get in the water, for goodness sake!" Sakura pushed naruto's fatass into the ocean. "Dattebayo!" he screamed. The rest followed and they began to descend to the sea bed where they saw a pineapple.

"That's one big-ass pineapple," commented Sasuke as he saw an Eastern island head next to it.

"What the hell is that?" shouted Naruto.

"Looks like an Eastern Pacific Island head to me," said Sakura. "It's very ugly."

"Like Kabuto," said Hinata, causing all four of them to laugh.

"Let's go swim to the pineapple and ask whomever might live in there if they know where to get a Krabby Patty," said Sasuke as he farted, causing a ton of bubbles to float over his asshole.

"Nasty," said Sakura.

They finally made it to the pineapple and, by some weird gravitational pull, they feet were touching the bottom of the sea bed.

"What the heck," said Sasuke. "We can walk on the ocean floor?"

"Guess so, and it's cool," said Naruto. He kissed Hinata.

"Naruto, I would totally shag with you behind that pineapple if those two weren't here," said Hinata.

"I would, too," he confessed.

"The sooner we talk to this guy, the better," said Sakura. She knocked on the door that looked like a door inside a navy ship.

All the sudden, the door opened!


	4. Krusty Krab

The door slowly opened.

"Meow." said a figure.

"What the hell is that?" shouted Sasuke at the top of his semi-aquatic lungs, causing some bubbles to form.

"Looks like a snail, an ugly one for that," observed Naruto.

"Okay, if it's a snail, why the hell did it meow?" said Sakura.

"Because, it's an extremely rare breed of snail," stated Hinata as he put her hands on her hips with a satisfied smile on her face.

"How do you know, Hiknota?" asked Sasuke with an eye roll.

"Because, I studied malacology, which is the study of mollusks (A.N. I'm not joking, it really is a branch of zoology) for several months on vacation," said Hinata.

"No wonder we don't see you out much," said Sasuke.

"Keep going, babe, I'd like to hear more," said Naruto as he kissed the girl who looked like Sabrina's doll from Pokemon.

"Well, we never got to talk about this species; sensei Raido said-"

"I don't care what he says, can you understand what it's saying?" asked Sakura.

"No, I didn't have time to study snail communication," explained Hinata.

"Who are you?" said a voice. The four of them turned around and was greeted by a five-foot tall starfish with green and purple swim trunks.

"You can speak English?" asked Naruto rhetorically.

"Is that what I'm speaking?" asked the starfish as he scratched his cone-shaped head.

"...Yeah..." said Sasuke as he dragged out the syllable for about three seconds.

"Let me handle this," said Sakura. "We are looking for something of the name 'Krabby patties' and 'coral bits' for our sensei. Can you tell us where we can find those?"

"Sensei?" replied the starfish with a puzzled look. "Isn't that the thingy where they count all the people or something?"

"That's 'census'," said Sasuke with an eye roll. "We said 'sensei', which means teacher. What is your name?"

"Then why didn't you just call him teacher? And the name is Patrick," responded the starfish.

"'Patrick'?" laughed Naurto. "What kinda name is that?" He fell over and started laughing on the ground, holding in his sides.

"Naruto, quit laughing at the obese invertebrate," said Hinata. "Can you tell us where we can get Krabby Patties?"

"Yeah, at The Krusty Krab," said Patrick. "Follow me." He left the pavement of the pineapple and started heading east. They continued walking for about 42 seconds until they reached the restaurant.

"How does this wooden building not rot underwater?" said Haruno Sakura outloud.

"I don't know," said Sasuke who sneezed.

They entered the restaurant and looked around. Everyone else looked around when they saw the four humans. The humans got mean mugged all the way to the cashier, who looked like a grey octopus or something. He had on a brown shirt that didn't even go to his theoretical belly button and he had on a sailor hat. Sorta.

"Welcome to The Krusty Krab, can I take your order?" he said as he took out a pen and notepad.

"Yeah, a krabby patty, a large order of coral bits, kelp fries, and a large shake," said Sakura with a little smile.

"Whatever," said the octopus. "That will be $9.74." Sakura gave the money to octopus. He analyzed it and farted. "What kinda money is this?"

"Yen," said Naruto. Squidward didn't care, he just put it in the cash register.

"Hey, SpongeBob, I need a krabby patty, a large order of coral bits, kelp fries, and a large shake." About five minutes passed and out of the kitchen stepped a yellow sponge with a dorky outfit. He was the most beautiful creature Hinata ever saw.


End file.
